Let me just brief you what are you going to read. It is neither an analysis nor a diagnosis of any specific marital problems or to any specific person. Not even the advice about how the one should deal with the situation. But as many cases are involves the spouse cheating on another one arise the major question. Whether a cheating spouse deserves a second chance? Where one should draw a line when it comes to giving a second pardon?
The major problem on cheating your better half or your spouse does not necessarily involve sexual contact but also betraying their trust. This is so painful but willingness in the partners can get through this trauma and salvage their marriage. Sometimes, this effort needs the support of experts such as psychotherapists or marital counselor. But there is no guarantee that they will also be successful enough in saving your marriage. If the approach is proper then the therapeutic process can help in curing the wounds, nurture better communication, defuse the anger and mend the whole of trust between the two. But obviously, this process includes the other parameters too such as how much eager the partners are, history they have and the involvement of children.
The greatest obstacle during the whole process is the hurt, anger and resentment that the offender is feeling. These feelings have strong roots. Another obstacle is inability to the trust the betrayal that lied, deceived, covered up and manipulated and made the fool of his/her partner. Trust is the root which holds the relationship. Commitment is all about the trust which involves making promises and choice to say yes to your partner and no to any other person. It is very important to keep this promise consistently. Broken trust is the most difficult thing to restore. After this, defensive walls build up and communication falls down. There are chances of killing kindness and caring which turns atmosphere toxic. At last, relationship starts falling apart and die.
The causes of cheating behavior are poor communication, hurt feelings, lack of intimacy and embitterment. At this moment, an affair appears as a wake up call. Cheating often shows attitude or quality of the relationship which shows anger towards the other. The cheater must come and accept the true things, take the full responsibility and ask the other one for forgiveness. Any other problem that exists between the two, other than an affair should be addressed and resolved as soon as possible.
Trust should not be build again freely. The offenders should put his or her best efforts to earn the trust once again. The betrayed party should decide what the betrayal should do in order to earn the gain once again. The betrayal should accept the demands without any reason in order to fully trust the offender again. An offender should commit unconditionally. The offended one should pass over the past and forget it to forgive the offender. Well, we all make mistakes after all we all are imperfect human beings. But we should learn from them and avoid repeating them.
So how many times we should forgive the offender?
Well, we all know twice or more is a pattern. The serial cheater should not be given third or fourth chance. Offended one often finds losing the equal commitment as before due to the overlooking bad behavior and by giving repeated chances to offender for changing. True commitment means being with your partner in all situations whether good or bad, sickness or health and till death separates us. Always remember, commitment is two-way street. Commitment is a choice which should be reaffirms each day. One decides of not cheating the other one not because one does not desire to. But one chooses to value the commitment because one honors the relationship.